Wedding wonders, what’s in a name?

 

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I get married on 17th November, around 8 weeks away. I will be a Mrs. I’m just not sure what will come after the ‘Mrs’. I have lived all my life with a double barrelled surname, I learnt to write it before I started at primary school and have had to spell it out to people so many times that if I was even given just 10p a time I would be much richer than I am now! At the parcel office they never store my post under the same part of my surname twice in a row, but people always remark on it. Neither name on its own is that unusual but its the putting the two of them together that makes it unique, and to my knowledge (and that of google) I cannot find anyone else in the world with the same surname as me (when my parents got divorced they reverted back to their singular names)

I’m just not sure if I want to give up my name in favour of Sam’s (he is a Bennett) because I feel I would be losing something, I just can’t put my finger on exactly what, certainly not my identity as I will always be me whatever I’m called. But I still don’t want to be a Bennett. I have worked for my company for over ten years, and people know me by my surname. My friends will still call me by my ‘LKP’ nickname but I wouldn’t be LKP anymore.

Here are my options…

  • I could use Bennett as an official name (passport and bank etc) and keep my own name for work, but surely that would just get confusing? Bank cards wouldn’t match payslips and suchlike and the inland revenue wouldn’t be too happy!
  • I could drop one of my names and double barrel with Bennett, but then that would probably offend the parent who’s name I dropped, and I STILL wouldn’t be an LKP!
  • I could triple barrel but seriously, who am I kidding? That would make me sound like a pedigree cat with a stupidly long name, or like the heir to some ridiculously large family fortune (I wish).
  • I could make Bennett a middle name, but I already have one and it seems a bit half hearted.
  • I could join parts of all our names together to make a new name (I not so secretly bloody LOVE this idea, Sam on the other hand does not…) I could become ‘Benmaney’ or ‘Patneyben’ or ‘kearmannet’

What did you do when you got married, or what WOULD you do if you are engaged, or planning on being engaged? If you kept your name how did your husband react? How did you feel if you DID change names?

As for what I do, watch this space, but I have an inkling I know what will happen.

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11 Comments

  1. RuBee
    23rd September 2012 / 8:26 pm

    I changed my name but I didn’t know if I was going to or not until the last minute! It’s been really hard to get used to it and I’m a teacher do I hear it a lot! My best friend has the same Christian name as me so I’ve always been known by my initial, a shortened version of my surname and in fact rubee is actually my nickname coming from my surname but it’s what many of my friends call me! My surname is really unusual and it’s not really been carried on so it still makes me quite sad! Ultimately I knew that if I have children in the future I want us all to have the same surnam! Love the idea of combining them all! My mums friend chose a new surname entirely for her and her husband.

  2. Gemma Phazey
    23rd September 2012 / 8:34 pm

    I had exactly the same dilemma when I got married. I wanted to use Phazey because it seemed like the ‘right’ thing to do but I didn’t want to not be a ‘White’ anymore as I felt that was my identity. I didn’t actually decide until we were on our honeymoon that I was going to change my name – I went away as a White but it did seem really strange to not have the same surname as each other. I’m also with RuBee on this one in that if we ever have children I’d like us to all have the same surname 🙂 I LOVE the idea of combining them all to create a brand new name, something unique to you and Sam! x

  3. 23rd September 2012 / 8:53 pm

    Please do a triple barrel. Nobody has a triple barrel, it would make you seem mysterious and regal (; I can’t imagine giving up my name when I get married, it becomes attached to you after all those years, but I guess a new name signifies a new start, which is what marriage effectively is (: xx

  4. sophiewearing
    23rd September 2012 / 9:19 pm

    Ohhhh the dilemma continues! I think the bit that convinces me is what everyone else has said, it I had children I would want us all to have the same surname! Otherwise, id feel left out! It annoys me enough that Callum has put Inara’s name on the pedigree as “Grantham” and she is a cat!!!! xxx

  5. Sophie - CGDN
    23rd September 2012 / 9:31 pm

    Me and my husband joined ours to make us double barrelled. I also like the way mine came first, giving me the opportunity to forget my new name and add the last part after a moment’s hesitation.
    If I was you I’d bully Sam into taking your name or both of you go triple barrelled. It’s so much nicer to share the same surname though 🙂
    Never thought of creating a new surname as suggested, but it could be jolly nice too.

  6. Nomad
    23rd September 2012 / 11:55 pm

    What a fun dilemma! Loads of women in my office have just gotten married and all have changed their names. I’m not sure if I would change mine or not. My last name is unusual in the UK and I like it. My bf has a normal sounding English name – not sure I could deal with a normal name, ha ha. Good luck with your decision! 🙂 x

  7. Ayden
    24th September 2012 / 11:45 am

    Oh dude, I’d have no idea what I would do here! I’m sure as the big day approaches, you’ll just know the right thing to do for the both of you. That is so exciting though, 8 weeks! So happy for you! 🙂 xxx

  8. Victoria
    26th September 2012 / 8:02 am

    I plan on double barrelling my surname with my boyfriends when we get married, as I don’t want to lose my surname. But yours is a real dilemma! I’d say stick with what you’ve got if that makes you the happiest 🙂 After all, marriage is marriage and not just to get the hubbies last name.x

  9. Alex
    26th September 2012 / 8:56 pm

    It’s not a big deal to keep your maiden name for work – one of the girls I work with has done it. Lots of your other options are an awful lot of faff!

  10. 26th September 2012 / 9:34 pm

    Tis a difficult one this, I can’t offer any advice m’afriad as I don’t know what I would do!
    I do really like your K-P surname(s) it sounds so fancy! But then it might be nice to take Sam’s name too. It’s a toughie! Sorry for this incredibly pointless comment!! xx

  11. angie
    28th September 2012 / 12:14 pm

    I have just found your blog and love it, so new follower here! I’m also getting married soon – November 24th, so can completely relate to any wedding stress that you’re going through. I have decided to change my name though…mainly cause my surname is quite normal (Evans) so it’s very nice to get a brand new surname that is a little different!

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